


Return to Infancy

by ZimVader0017



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Babies are scary, Caring for children is confusing, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZimVader0017/pseuds/ZimVader0017
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an accident, Zim is forced to care for his enemy while he tries to figure out how to change him back to the way he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When your father was a famous, renowned worldwide scientist and inventor, it gave you a lot of advantages, most notably having new, highly advanced technology at your disposal. A teenager named Dib had such advantage right now. He had the house to himself. His sister Gaz, a handheld console addict and hardcore gamer, had gone to a gaming convention for the weekend, and his father, Professor Membrane, was rarely home, so he could use his equipment as much as he pleased and not get scolded for it.

He was currently working on a device that would de-age any organic substance. It would be useful in the restoration of old, stale and over ripened food. Perhaps his dad would use it to make his Super Toast last even longer and solve world hunger. He would praise him for such an invention. Yeah, that would be nice. Those were Dib's thoughts while he worked. It was a small machine, no bigger than a cellphone, so it would fit comfortably in the palm of the hand. It would work by sending energy waves toward the substance you wanted to de-age. That is, if he managed to get it working correctly. He didn't know what was wrong, he had tested it after he had finished building it, and it worked fine. For a couple of seconds at least. After that, it wouldn't turn back on.

So he was right back to where he started, tinkering with it and making adjustments. He gave a small cheer after the device turned on successfully the second try. He wasn't prepared for what came next. The little machine suddenly started to give off smoke and small sparks, until it eventually exploded. It flashed out a giant energy wave that covered Dib's entire room, lighting it up in blue. The destroyed device crashed to the floor and the only noise heard in the silent house was a pitiful whimper.


	2. Chapter 02

Zim was furious. He had just arrived home from a horrible day at Hi-Skool with those pig-smelly humans. How dare Torque Smacky push him into a locker and lock him in there?! HOW DARE HE?! And the rest of those stinky humans just laughed at him while he yelled for someone to let him out. Nobody did of course, so he had to wait until the hallways were deserted to finally blast himself out of the filthy locker. Then, as if that hadn't been enough, he was framed of putting cherry bombs in the toilets and punished by cleaning every bathroom in the skool. Just wait 'till he conquers this ball of dirt, they were going to pay for humiliating him, oh, how they will pay.

Speaking of planetary conquest, he cursed under his breath at a certain human teenager that had been downright ignoring him for a week now, and if there was something Zim couldn't stand was his sworn enemy ignoring him. It reminded him of that horrible day where the Dib had decided to give up on the paranormal to study "real science", and it was something he would rather not happen again. He hated to admit it, but without the human around to ask about his plans of world conquest, it was incredibly boring and it completely drained his motivation. He decided enough was enough. He was going to go straight to the human's house and demand him for an explanation. That settled, he put his disguise on, told GIR to watch the base, and as an afterthought, took a shock gun in case Dib had been planning something to capture him.

The streets were deserted, it was almost 10:45 after all, and most people were either sleeping or watching late night TV. It was chilly too, he was thankful he remembered to take a coat with him. When he arrived, he rang the doorbell once, twice, pounded on the door three more times, and because of lack of response, decided to just climb through the human's window. He had done it before, when he dressed up as a ghost with GIR and MiniMoose to humiliate Dib. That plan didn't turn out so well. He shook that awful memory out of his head when he was standing outside of Dib's window. He looked around for any witnesses, and seeing none, took out his robotic appendages and climbed the wall.

The first thing he noticed when he got to the window was that the computer was on, giving out enough light to dimly brighten the room. Dib was nowhere in sight. He pushed up the window and silently crawled through, landing on the bed. The room was a mess, papers, photos and clothes everywhere. He walked over to some blueprints lying on the floor. Just when he was about to pick them up, he heard a small noise. It had been barely audible, but thanks to his powerful antennae, he figured it came from under a pile of clothes. He approached it cautiously, and slowly lifted one of the pieces of clothing covering the source of the noise. He gasped in surprise at what he had found. There, lying in the middle of the pile was a small infant, younger than one year. The little child stared at him with big tear-filled eyes. Looking closely at them, he noticed that they were the same strange golden color as the Dib-.......Wait a minute.......The child also had black tufts of ebony hair, one that looked suspiciously like a smaller version of Dib's signature scythe shape.

While Zim started to realize what happened, the little baby soon grew restless because of the inattention and let out a wail. That caused  Zim, who had by then figured out that this strange child was indeed the Dib-human and was currently searching for the cause of this transformation (that broken contraption on the floor next to the infant seemed suspicious), to be startled at the sudden and loud sound. He looked over at Dib for the reason of the outburst. The child was reaching for him with a fearful expression, wanting to be held and comforted. Zim hesitated; he didn’t know what to do or how to react. He had never been alone with such a young child before. The only time he ever got in contact with a baby had been when he met Noogums or Schnookie or whatever his name was, and he turned out not to be a human child at all, so it didn’t really count. Well, in any case, he felt that he had to say something.

“Um, what is it? What do you want?”

Finally getting attention, Dib reached for him even more frantically than before and started to cry. Zim started panicking. What were you supposed to do to calm a crying baby?

“I don’t know what you want!”

While Dib wailed, Zim took notice of the way his hands opened and closed, and remembered something he had seen in one of GIR’s shows. There was a woman calming a crying child by rocking it gently and cooing at it. The baby had been doing the same hand movements as Dib. Still feeling unsure of what he was about to do, Zim crouched down and reached out his hands to hold Dib under his arms. While he lifted him up into his arms, he said the things the woman on the show had told the baby.

“Shhhh, it’s alright, Zim’s here now, you’re safe….”

He cradled Dib awkwardly, trying not to drop him. As soon as he was being held, Dib stopped crying almost immediately. He looked up at Zim curiously before he settled himself and fell asleep. Zim looked around the dimly lit room and realized that he couldn’t leave the child there. He would have to take him to the base.  He picked up the pieces of the broken device and put them in his PAK to try and fix it in the lab later. Before he went out the window, he remembered it was cold out and little Dib only had his now too big shirt on. He took a blanket he found in a drawer and wrapped it around him to keep him warm. After making sure he didn’t need to take anything else at the moment, he took off into the night.


	3. Chapter 03

Zim opened the door cautiously and looked around. The base was dark, so he supposed that GIR had gone to sleep. He shifted the still sleeping Dib in his arms into a more comfortable position and entered. Using his PAK tentacles, he took the couch cushions and arranged them on the floor in some sort of pillow nest. That being done, he carefully placed Dib in the middle. After he made sure that he was still sleeping soundly, Zim summoned the House Computer.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Keep it down! I need you to look for information on human smeets. Make sure it is correct, I don't want to make any mistakes."

"Is this for that thing lying on the floor there?"

"Yes, now do as I say!"

The Computer made a displeased beeping noise, but obeyed nontheless.

While the Computer translated the files it found on the Earth 'internet' into Irken, Zim watched the child sleeping on the cushions closely. He looked quite vulnerable and small, so unlike the threat he usually represented. For some unknown reason, Zim found himself reaching towards him, stroking his hair. He had wondered how authentic hair felt like for sometime. It was really soft, not like his usual wig, which had a rough texture and was quite itchy.

Dib squirmed a bit in his sleep startling him. He removed his hand, and at that moment the Computer lowered a small screen with the translated information.

"So, a human child can't do things for itself, it needs assistance. For supposedly the smartest creatures on the planet, they sure have a great flaw. Their young are defenseless."

While Zim pondered why a species with such vulnerable young didn't put more effort in keeping them safe, GIR wandered into the room, having been woken up by the sounds the Computer had made. He slid into a halt once he saw the pillow nest and a glimpse of the small being it cradled.

"IT'S A BABY!!!!"

Zim cringed from the loud screeching while the small child woke up startled and began to wail.

"GIR, STOP THAT SCREAMING THIS INSTANT! I AM WARNING YOU GIR OR NO MORE PIZZA FOR A MONTH!!"

At this, the screeching GIR stopped immediately and stared at Zim with teary eyes. Expecting the waterworks, and not in the mood for two crying people in his house, Zim sighed and squatted down in front of GIR.

"Look GIR, I know how much you like that disgusting cheese covered filth, but I need you to be quiet now, do you understand?"

GIR sniffed a bit and then asked if it was because of the baby. Who, speaking of which, was still wailing loudly at being so rudely awakened. Zim was using all his will to not pull at his antennae.

"Yes, it's because of the baby, I'm taking care of him for, uh, extra credit at skool, yes."

No use in telling the little robot the child was actually Dib. He wouldn't listen anyway, and if he did, he would just be a nuisance.

GIR immediately walked towards the infant and started showing him his squeaky moose toy. When he saw the shiny robot, Dib got distracted and his cries slowed down to hiccups. He reached up to touch GIR's metal surface and started cooing softly when he felt how smooth and cool it was.

To say that Zim was surprised by the turn of events would be an understatement. Who would have thought, that dumb robot could be useful after all. Taking advantage of the distraction, he continued looking over the information the Computer had gathered.

"Hmm, it seems we need to find certain foods for the child to receive proper nutrients. Everything listed is soft and moochy, eww.... What are these 'diapers' for? Oh, eww, humans are even more disgusting than I thought! No matter, I'm sure we can find these things in the city. Computer, make a list of the necessary items, I will use it tomorrow. Oh and make sure GIR doesn't remove his guidance chip, I don't want to get lost again."

Zim shivered at the memory of being stranded in the middle of the huge city. He definitely did not want a repeat of that. He looked back at GIR and Dib playing in the pillow nest. GIR was showing him how to squeeze the toy to make it squeak. Now he had to figure out what to do with the child, he couldn't leave him alone at the base. He would have to take him along. Zim sighed, tomorrow was going to be a tiring day indeed. 

 


	4. Chapter 04

The next morning, after modifying his Cruiser to be able to carry a baby safely, Zim set out to the city. He had welded GIR's guidance chip into the robot's head to make sure that they didn't get lost again. He was NOT going to ride those horrible city buses again if he could help it. He had done some research over the years and realized that it was true what the strange philosophical human the hi skool had invited for some stupid "cultural" speech said: 'people rarely look up', so taking the Voot Cruiser wasn't going to be an issue. He didn't fly it too lowly anyway just in case, but at the same time tried to stay clear of the humans' airspace. He had nearly ran into a commercial airplane before and did not want a repeat of that.

After he put in the coordinates to a mall, a different one from the zombie infested one he had visited before, he looked back at the tiny seat he had installed in the Cruiser's cockpit. The little baby that he had placed there was strapped securely and was currently sucking on a pacifier the crazy robot had found who knows where. The Computer, being the only one of the three extraterrestrials that actually had any common sense, quickly took the pacifier from GIR and sanitized it before allowing the robot to give it to the child.

The robot himself, surprisingly, had much more insight about basic child care than Zim had given credit. Apparently, even though the little thing was clearly broken as he severely malfunctioned even at the smallest order, the "Information Retrieval" part of his design still functioned. It was true that GIR only kept information of whatever he fancied (upon discovering that Zim would eat the waffles he made, the robot downloaded and stored all the different waffle recipes that existed, and he had extensive knowledge of taquitos and quesadillas), but in this case it proved useful that he had taken quite the liking to Dib as he knew exactly what to do when the child woke up hungry in the morning.

He immediately flew to the kitchen to make a simple oatmeal gruel (Zim had no idea where the oats came from) to feed the baby. He later gently lifted the baby from the makeshift nest and placed him into a flabbergasted Zim's arms before then handing the alien the food. Seeing that Zim was still staring at him in confusion, he proceeded to make feeding movements to clue in to the alien what he was supposed to be doing. Satisfied when Zim got the message and hesitantly started feeding the child, GIR sat next to them to begin his usual activity: watching TV.

It was hard to drag him from the couch when it was time to depart, but after a quick promise that Zim would buy him that new rubber piggy plush that he saw in a commercial (now with extra stuffing for more huggableness!!!), GIR was the first one impatiently waiting inside the Cruiser for them to get in. Said robot was currently trying to make conversation with Dib, telling him all about his favorite movies. Whether the child actually understood or if he was just fascinated with the robot's bright cyan eyes was to be determined.

The Cruiser beeped in warning, indicating they had reached their destination, and Zim quickly landed on top of a tall building to keep the Voot Cruiser away from prying eyes. He didn't want it to fall into the hands of those detestable Saucer Morons again. He gently picked up the infant and grabbed the now disguised GIR by the dog costume's leash, and quietly sneaked his way down into an alleyway. He later joined the crowd of people in the walkways, following GIR as the robot used his guidance system to take them to the location Zim had programmed.

Excluding a couple of stares some people gave them, they arrived at the mall without problem. After a brief check of the mall's directory, they headed towards the only baby store to look for the items Computer had specified.

"Be on the look out, GIR, Computer told me that it was working on a 'nursery', whatever that is, back at the base, and it needed us to bring things written on this list."

He leaned down to show GIR said list. GIR however did not acknowledge this as he was busy staring at the many colorful items that surrounded them. Feeling frustrated at being ignored, but not surprised, Zim walked over to an employee folding clothes nearby.

"You, mall service drone, tell the amazing ZIM!!™ where these items are located."

He then proceeded to rather rudely shove the list on the poor confused employee's face. Recovering quickly, she glanced at the list and then at the odd green 'teenager' standing before her. She took note of the baby in his arms and briefly wondered if he was the child's babysitter or if she should call the cops. Feeling his glare on her, she decided to read the list again.

"Well, sir, the cribs are in that section over there, and the rest of the necessities such as bottles, diapers and clothing are in this section. If you need any more help, my associates are also available to answer any questions you may have."

The way she said "associates" made him think she was trying to get him away from her, but he decided to ignore that and instead snatched the list back and headed over to the cribs. The Computer had said that they didn't need an incredibly complex crib, so after looking around for a couple of minutes he decided on a small plain white crib. No doubt that he would have to get rid of it after he found the way to get Dib back to normal, so getting an inexpensive one was ideal. After requesting (or demanding) it from another employee in that area, he went back to the clothing section. As with the crib, the clothing chosen was basic and inexpensive, the majority colored in blue since he knew that Dib favored that color, and he only picked two bottles since the Computer determined after a quick scan that the child was already 7 months old and would be able to digest more solid foods. He was surprised at the quantity of diapers both the store employee and the Computer recommended, but decided that he'd rather get too many diapers and prevent any unforseen problems. At the advice from a lady who was also buying things for her child, he picked up a stroller. His arms thanked him later.

After paying for everything (the employees being so helpful with him, he suspected they were trying to get rid of him as soon as possible), Zim summoned his Voot Cruiser in an alleyway next to the mall and by some miracle managed to successfully pack everything in the small storage space at the back of it. Arriving home, he ordered the House Computer to put everything in the new nursery room.

He was surprised when he saw that there was already baby food items and formula in the kitchen. It turned out that while they had gone out, the Computer told MiniMoose to go to the market and get them. The little robot moose had been a bit miffed at being left behind, so at the request to get the food, he happily complied as he was finally being useful for something. Said little moose was curiously floating around the baby, squeaking from time to time, seemingly asking what he was doing here and why. While struggling to open a container of baby food, Zim decided to tell MiniMoose the real reason and identity of the baby since the moose wasn't as crazy as the other robot.

"Well, you see MiniMoose, Zim was planning on confronting his enemy the Dib, as the big headed worm child had the audacity to ignore his future overlord. However, once I arrived at his house, Zim did not find him, instead there was that little creature you see in front of you. Using my incredible brain, I realized that the small creature was indeed the Dib, and being the ever so generous ruler that I am, Zim decided to help the Dib get back to his big headed teenage self!"

There was a sudden mechanical sounding cough that suspiciously sounded like it was trying to hide a laugh coming from the ceiling. Zim frowned at the ceiling as he knew that the Computer was making fun of him, but as the annoying machine had been useful as of late, he decided to let it slide. He busied himself with feeding the child, MiniMoose watching with rapt attention, while thinking how to go about fixing the device he had found in the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To explain some stuff: Yes, Dib indeed get his diaper changed while at the mall, a nice old lady showed an incredibly disgusted Zim how to do it (lol). GIR didn't appear at the end there because he was busy playing with his new rubber piggy. I have this headcanon that Zim hacked into the banks and has secretly transferred an undefined quantity of money to himself after GIR kept spending what little they already had.

**Author's Note:**

> Some facts about the story:
> 
> They are all in Hi-Skool, in junior year to be more specific, so expect teenage shenanigans. This is not ZADR, it's more like an awkward "enemies become friends because of a specific situation" kind of thing.   
> Character descriptions so that it'll be easier to visualize:
> 
> Dib, before the incident, was 5'9, his hair scythe was a little longer like in the show, and had traded his long trench coat for a lighter black leather jacket. As an infant: younger than 1 year, about 6-7 months, he doesn't know he's supposed to be a teenager, so whenever he starts crying it's just normal baby needs, it's not a teenage mind trapped in baby's body kind of thing, just throwing that out there ;)
> 
> Zim managed to grow up to 5'0 (which coincidentally is MY height :D), and since he saw that when humans grew, their clothes and hair changed too, he decided to have an update. He has a more modern hairstyle, and wears a hoodie sweater and skinny jeans.


End file.
